literature

Wistfully

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JassieMaam's avatar
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Published:
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Literature Text

I want to make love
To your thoughts

I want to caress your secrets
Like what they are
Under our covers
With unlimited tenderness
And a touch of shame

I want to reach down your throat
And pull out your desires,
String them along
One by one
Like pearls
Until I can hold them in my hands
And admire their shine

I want to crush your dreams
Under the certainty of the future
So intensely
And so deeply
They turn into diamonds
And when you speak your words
Of love
I can admire the facets we cut together

I want to know you intimately
In ways not spoken of
Outside of a poet's dream
And to sleep inside them
Until I sleep in your arms.
I don't know where this came from. But personally I'm in love with it.

I told you I'd try to put it into words and this is a part of it.
© 2013 - 2024 JassieMaam
Comments8
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shadowsmokeandfire's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

I want to start off by saying that this poem has an interesting idea, and the first sentence is definitely attention-grabbing without being tacky. The only comments I have is that the middle of the poem got a little confusing. I'm confused as about the whole crushing their dreams into diamonds thing, just because it sounds like you are trying to destroy their dreams rather than help them crystallize their dreams into tangible reality. I think you have a lot of interesting imagery here, and while it can border on moderately grotesque, it works well with the overall flow of the poem. Overall, it was a very nice job, and it was one of the better poems I have read.