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Submitted on
January 4, 2013
File Size
872 bytes
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Views
194 (1 today)
Favourites
11 (who?)
Comments
5
Downloads
8
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I want to make love
To your thoughts

I want to caress your secrets
Like what they are
Under our covers
With unlimited tenderness
And a touch of shame

I want to reach down your throat
And pull out your desires,
String them along
One by one
Like pearls
Until I can hold them in my hands
And admire their shine

I want to crush your dreams
Under the certainty of the future
So intensely
And so deeply
They turn into diamonds
And when you speak your words
Of love
I can admire the facets we cut together

I want to know you intimately
In ways not spoken of
Outside of a poet's dream
And to sleep inside them
Until I sleep in your arms.
I don't know where this came from. But personally I'm in love with it.

I told you I'd try to put it into words and this is a part of it.
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:iconshadowsmokeandfire:
I want to start off by saying that this poem has an interesting idea, and the first sentence is definitely attention-grabbing without being tacky. The only comments I have is that the middle of the poem got a little confusing. I'm confused as about the whole crushing their dreams into diamonds thing, just because it sounds like you are trying to destroy their dreams rather than help them crystallize their dreams into tangible reality. I think you have a lot of interesting imagery here, and while it can border on moderately grotesque, it works well with the overall flow of the poem. Overall, it was a very nice job, and it was one of the better poems I have read.
What do you think?
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1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconmierren:
Mierren Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
wow you have a way of pulling people in with just the first lines
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:iconsky-of-melodies:
Sky-of-Melodies Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013
Great word choice!
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:iconred1699:
red1699 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013
wow simple words that flow so great and convey so much emotion and passion. I <3 it
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:iconjassiemaam:
JassieMaam Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww, thank you. And thank you for the favorite. c:
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:iconred1699:
red1699 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013
you are welcomes :)
Reply
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