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MaybeMaybe I needed to leave.
Maybe we needed this
All this time alone,
With other people.
Maybe we still need this,
All this time.
We have so much of it ahead of us,
But so little.
And it may take months,
Dragging itself out,
But gone in the blink of an eye.
Before you know it,
We'll be happy again.
Not Even 15 MinutesI'm sitting here
Keeping a promise,
One I always knew I would regret.
And that's what got me into this.
I said I'd always be here for you,
Always keep my promises,
Always tell the truth.
So here we are,
You needing my voice
And, god, I don't know why.
You have someone else,
A shoulder to cry on,
Someone willing to take you as you are,
And she's right there.
But you call me,
And you joke,
And you mumble off to sleep
For the first time in who knows when.
Sleep is still your enemy
And I'm still a soldier in that fight.
And then I succeed,
Just one more small battle,
And you drift off in my ear.
And you m
Peace of PieceShort, broken exchanges
Pain hidden behind
Waiting for it to be gone,
Not lingering in my mind
My throat always so empty
Voice always so still
Words always so silent
Yet fighting past my swill
It comes out at the wrong time
Past when I know I'm wrong
Fighting for my peace, my piece,
Whichever helps me move along
Struggling to get this
All sounding just right
Butchering my lone attempts
That make jagged edges in the night
Difficult to sleep
In a world where nightmares thrive
Begging for my piece, my peace,
To make it out alive.
Why Why WhyWhy do you let me do this.
You tell me something you now I'll hate,
Oh, and baby, did I ask for it.
Always wanting the truth
Never wanting the truth.
And then I come up out of nowhere,
Stewing in the pain,
And I get it out in the most simplistic way I know how.
I take it out
And I take it to you.
And I cut,
I say things I know will hurt,
Everything I can to unsettle you.
And you let me run my course
And you let me cool off
And you wait until I'm sorry,
Finally processing the pain.
And you skip over it,
Tell me it's okay,
Drown me in those
LookingSitting and thinking
Poisoning my mind
Digging this hole deeper
In the hopes I might find
A hidden rabbit hole
To get me away from here,
Trade in this broken life
For a world wild and queer
I'd traipse among the tulips,
Give them a piece of my mind
Coax a hedgehog through the hoops
And keep my flamingo right in line
Become a queen for a color
And never have jam today,
Run to keep the world still
And watch oysters walk their way
Any sort of nonsense
To get me away from this,
Let dreams take me away,
Trade reality for bliss.
ExhaustedI wish everything
Were how it used to be,
Just black and white,
Just you and me
But things got so muddled
And my outlook got skewed,
Everything cracked and gray,
Feelings permanently bruised
All the clear paths
Broken and full of ruts,
Simple hopes set down
For reality to cut
Nights without sleep
Without a single answer
To clarify the sound
Working out my path
Through whatever's left
Hiking, tripping, falling,
Feet far past deft
Energy sapped out
Pleading to move on,
Begging to give in,
Endlessly, ever wrong.
Always YouIt's always you.
You were the reason I was happy
Days of feeling comfortable
In my skin,
Of knowing I was good enough,
If only for a while.
And only for a while it was.
You were why I was smiling
So many smiles.
Feelings I'd forgotten abound,
And now it's like we never mattered.
You were the reason I could sleep
My only source of dreams.
No more nightmares,
Fears fought away
Cradled in hopes,
My only form of safety
Found in your voice.
A voice I'm afraid I'll one day forget.
Now you're why I'm confused
So lost in my
Waking UpEyes open so wide, so fast.
for affirmation or denial
in the landscape.
Looking but seeing
Breath is coming in short,
Each one is a struggle,
and they're only
Panic and terror reluctantly
ebbing away slowly,
grips on my sanity grudgingly slipping off
to where they'd surfaced from.
tucking themselves away.
Until the next night.
The next time I close my eyes.
And my nightmares
are finally grabbing me
through daylight's cracks.
Waiting for her to come this wayThe breeze tousles through the night and his hair.
He sits in expectance for her to come here;
waiting for her to come this way.
Like that first time; her footsteps echoed so loud.
In a night as such not even the moon could be proud.
An ethereal glow she emitted, an embodying light.
The wind ruffled her black locks like an angel in flight.
Her breath was a sanctifying whisper of life
and her dress; oh a woven fabric of natures device.
Her soft traces upon the earth would have grown
the fruit bearing brushwood, piercing through a stone.
The hair settled; the wings retreated, her eyes slowly set
on a young boy tending tulips. Their
Unconditional loveWill you love me when I no longer have arms to cradle you in?
Or when I no longer have lips to kiss you?
When my heart stops beating and my lungs begin to empty
Will you shed a tear for me?
Will you love me when I no longer have eyes to see you with?
Or when I no longer have ears to hear you cry?
When my mouth refuses to utter as single word, and I can't say I love you
Will you still know that I do?
Will you love me on the rainy day when I rest in peace?
Or in the proceeding future where I am no longer there?
Will you move on and find someone else to love?
Will you know that I am content with that?
Trust me.Are you okay?
Ahah. Yes I am. I'm just tired.
Tired of? Come on, talk to me.
Sigh. You don't want to know.
Yes, yes I do. I care about you. What's the problem?
Trust me. You don't want to know.
Fine. I drag it again and again everyday on my back.
It attacks me,
Sometimes once a month,
Sometimes once in a week,
Sometimes once a day.
It ushers me,
To be braver than I am,
To do more than I possibly ever could.
And I'm okay with that, sometimes, even glad.
I feed it, I tend to it, I nurture "it's" ways, and give in all the time.
It requires too much of me, for the only way to feed it is through my blood and tears, f
Never Let You GoNever let you go, I'll always be there for you.
To always catch you when you fall, Keep you safe.
To always hold you, keep you warm.
You make me feel needed and alive.
If I had the chance, I'd marry you in a heartbeat.
I love you with all of my heart, I know you do as well.
You are one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
As long as I'm alive, I will never let you go, I will be there for you.
I will forever be yours, because there has never been anyone like you before.
Saved By Being SeenI used to spend my nights crying
In all of the sadness of dying,
For I was sick on the inside
I really thought I had died.
But one bright day I was found
Someone took me from the pound,
Took me into their heart and home
I once was free to go and roam,
This feeling was so new to me
Never had someone look and see,
My true colors so brightly before
And I didn't have to beg for more.
FrustratedI see you, here and there.
Stalking in and out of my life
Long past the when you had the right.
Your name a note in the middle of my victories.
You think you hide so efficiently,
That after all that you did
With your tearing down
And spiked words
I wouldn't notice your exploits.
But then you hop up
With your veiled insults in public.
You hear the wrong side,
The one that hides all I've done.
I am more than you will ever be,
More than you will ever know.
More than your dirty words.
So keep your sneaky mouth shut,
Be wrong somewhere far f
Hey You,You, you, always you. When it's right, when it's wrong, when I just don't know, like now. It's always to you I talk because it's an impulse now, to just turn to you. Even when you're not there.
I'm trying. You know? To be better, to do better. To be happy just for the sake of happiness. It's difficult. People talk about being happy like it's so easy. Well,I'm giving it a go, and it seems more an art than anything to me. An art that's tricky and requires flexibility, loss. Giving up to feel fulfilled. I'm no good at that. I'm too used to having things ripped from me to just.. To just let things go. I want to hold on to everything good I've ev
Every Angel Deserves a Child"I can't feel the unfurling of my wings, Daddy."
I was not her father. I had entered her life when she was two years old, and she called me Daddy since she never knew her real father. Her mother's death two years ago made me the sole, living parent of an eleven-year-old, and I never felt like I was the right person for the job.
"What do you mean, Asrin?"
"Mom always said that when puberty started I would be the swan that emerged from the ugly duckling. She said I would be able to fly gracefully towards my dreams. But, I don't feel it."
As much of a woman as she was becoming, she was still a child. I wanted to answer her question, but I really had a hard time discussing her blossoming womanhood in the middle of a laundromat. Her pretty eyes were pleading with me, but I told her we'd talk later.
Janet had told Asrin a lot of things before she succumbed to the cancer. The last week or so of Janet's life were morphine-induced fantasy, I think.
Janet and I had met during c
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`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More