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:iconjassiemaam: More from JassieMaam


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Submitted on
November 15, 2012
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All you feel now is pain
No, no, that's a lie
Collapsing right through the strain
I meant my words, don't even try


You could always just let go
You don't know what you ask for
No one would judge, no one would know
And have no hope left at my core


What was once strong can be weak
I can't give up this time
Your voice cracks e'er you speak
And that boon is mine


All of this could just end
Poisoned honey coats those lips
Trust me, companion, faithful friend
Your falsehoods nightshade as it drips


You wish this pain would go away
Your words have no purchase here
Give me a chance to your demons slay
You know not the root of my fear


Lend me your words, darling sweet
To you I would never submit
I could make your sorrows all complete
He will always be worth it
Conversation in couplets
:icondr-vergissmeinnicht:
The first thing that came to mind after reading this was how it was it was like two poems in one. I felt like I could take out the second and fourth line of each stanza and still have a complete poem. I like how you italicize the first and third lines of each stanza, that's a really good technique to use so the lines stand out.

The only stanza I had trouble with was "You wish the pain would go away, your words have no purchase here, Give me a chance to your demons slay, your know no the root of my fear." The third line is a little iffy and I would consider looking over it.

Overall the poem has a very nice flaw and your description is fantastic. Job well done.
What do you think?
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